Scared....

To say I am scared is an understatement. In fact, I believe terrified is a better word. What am I so scared of? Stepping on the scale!! It has been over a week since I have weighed in and I have been horrible! I have no self control it seems. I am really not sure what my problem is exactly but I need to get to the bottom of it before my pants explode! I have been reading teh spiritual disciplines book and feel like a failure every time I turn a page. I know there is so much more I can and need to be doing for my husband, kids, and myself but more importantly, for my God! One part I just read was about stewardship....of our time and money. One area talked about our bodies and how as humans we are pulled toward sloth, gluttany, and lack of self control. The author stated to not be disciplined with our bodies was equal to serving evil rather than God. That really slapped me in the face. I do not want to serve evil at all!! I know I am a sinner and I will fail but I do not want to SERVE evil. I want to serve God! I decided I need help getting to the bottom of these strong holds I am facing in my life. I joined a care group at Bellevue for women only who are dealing with strong holds. I am very excited to have a group of women to come along side me as God works in my life. I will have to miss the first Wednesday (4th) due to my surgery on the 3rd unless I am just feeling amazing......but hopefully on the 11th I will get to jump in full force! It is odd sometimes...I can tell there are things holding me back and reasons why I seem to have no self control but I can't seem to put my finger on it. I think I have it figured out and given to God only to turn around and fail again for another reason. Lord, help me to give you the chains that bind me 100% now and for the rest of my life...Amen!