New parenting resources!!

So in my seminary wives's class, our teacher brought some charts she had used when her kids were little to discipline them. I got really excited about them but then totally forgot until today :). I looked them up and found a parenting set that has a topical bible that you can look up whatever you are dealing with, good memory verses for parents, and 4 charts. My favorite I believe is the If Then Chart. This shows many of the daily sins our kiddos commit each day (disobeying, lying, rebellion, teasing, biting, etc) Each infraction has a verse that goes with it and then mom and dad write in the consequences. This will create consistency in our discipline. We will have the same punishment each time and can bring the kids to "the chart" to look at what that punishment is and have a talk and pray about it. One of the others is a blessing chart which lists rewards for certain behaviors (can't just look at the negative things they do!) Another one is the Go To The Ant chart about working hard. I am so pumped to get these in the mail. They have large charts or smaller 8.5x11 ones that are already colored and laminated. I chose those. I want to hang them on the fridge and be able to take them with us when we travel. Ella has been doing a lot better in her obeying lately but I really want to make sure we address the heart of the matter so when mom and dad aren't around she will still make the right choice. I can't be there with her or Clay all the time and I want God to give them a heart of conviction with a love for others that is greater than themselves. I will update after we have been using them for a bit and let you know how they are working! :)

Wow....It has been a long time!

So, it has been over 10 months since I have written on this blog. I hadn't realized it had been that long. :) Oops. To get you caught up a bit....Mark is about to graduate next month with his Master's degree from MABTS. We are so very excited and I am very proud of the hard work he has put into this degree. Much more than he did for the last one ;) He has really enjoyed MABTS and I know he will be returning for his PhD, just not sure when. He also just accepted a full time position with the Memphis Union Mission out at the Calvary Colony. It really is the perfect job for him. He loves working there already and we are very thrilled that God decided this is where he needs to stay. Having this job over the past year and a half has grown him in ways I never imagined. God is so good.

We have had some rough patches since my last post. I had my first miscarriage back last April at 6 weeks. We then found out we were pregnant again this past summer. We were nervous and worried about the health of this baby due to the previous miscarriage. We had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks that had a slow heart rate. We went back at 8 weeks and the heart rate was right where it needed to be. At 12 weeks they couldn't hear the heart beat with the doppler (not abnormal for me due to having a tilted uterus, happened with Ella and Clay at 12 weeks) but we did another ultrasound at 12 wks 3 days and everything looked perfect. Fast forward 2.5 weeks later and I started to spot and cramp. It was late at night so I went to the Woman's hospital to get checked out. They did an ultrasound and right away I saw there was no heart beat. I still have no idea what happened. Everything had been fine. We were supposed to be past the scary 1st trimester. It was a very dark time for me. I still cry when thinking about it (or typing it). However, it does not change that my God is a good God. He is loving on those babies in heaven and one day I will get to see them and love on them too. We did some extensive genetic testing for Mark and myself. Nothing really came from that except a mutated enzyme that some feel causes miscarriages and some don't. I honestly do not know if that is what happened. I am on a vitamin that is supposed to fix the enzyme and Mark and I would be very happy if God chose to give us another child. All in His time.

Finding out I had this mutation and that I have had it all my life made me really thank God for Ella and Clay. That enzyme could have taken them away from me as well. By God's grace we have Ella and Clay today and I am so thankful for them. We would love to have a full quiver :) but no matter how many arrows God gives us, it is our job to shape them and raise them in a way that honors and glorifies the Lord. I am changing up my blog to be more focused on my children raising them. Everyday they push me and show me so many things. I am so grateful for my role as a wife and a mother and I know I have a terrible memory so this will be a way for me to remember what we go through and hopefully encourage someone along the way.

Please let me know if there is any way I can pray for you. Let's lift up one another so we are full of the Spirit as we shape the arrows God has given us. To God be the glory!

10 minute trainer....take 1.

So, tomorrow I am starting a 4 week body makeover (hahaha) program called 10 minute trainer. It is by the guy who created P90X. The main idea is he super stacks the exercises to work multiple areas of the body at one time. There are five 10 minute workouts. It came with a calendar. The point is to do 3 of them on most days (some only have 1 or 2) but at least do the first one listed on that day. Coupled with a "diet" of watching portions and fat/carb intake and AMAZING results are supposed to happen....hahaha. I am not thinking my body is going to drastically change between now and this time next month but I am hoping to see some improvements. I would like to lose 10-15 pounds in this month. That might seem high but I have gained a lot back that I lost earlier this year and I really think by being disciplined in my eating and workout habits the first bit should fall off pretty easy (for lack of a better word...being disciplined in my eating is not my strongest area!!). My goal is to do whatever he has listed on the calendar whether 1,2, or 3 workouts. However, I know I am not perfect so success for me would be do go the whole 4 weeks with doing at least the first one listed like he says to do. I am kind of nervous. 10 minutes for an entire workout seems like no time at all which means it is probably gonna be hard....he created P90X which I have been told is really hard so I am expecting to be sore. Hopefully I can hold out to day 3 when only a Yoga stretch workout is called for. :) The program also came with a resistance band, a cardio belt, and cards you can take with you to do a workout when you don't have a DVD player. I have no excuses! Time cannot be an excuse! 10 minutes!! I have to find that sometime in my day. I am waking up early to do my devotion each day so my alarm will be set a bit earlier to make sure I get my workout in before the children wake up (which Ella has been sleeping in lately which I love!!). I am going to have Mark take before and after pictures (don't worry...those will NOT be published) as well as measurements in the morning. I am really excited. I feel like this is going to work....I want and need it to work, even if it is just getting me on the right track to something more later. I am really pumped about my sister trip to Branson and want to not hate myself next to my incredibly skinnier sister! :) I love her....but she got the good genes! :) I used to have the height but I am shrinking so I don't even have that now! hahaha! Oh well, God made me and in His eyes I am just how I am supposed to be! I will update on my progress! Keep me accountable if you think about it!

It has been awhile.....

Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile. Things have been crazy and I haven't been very good. So those are my two reasons. I didn't want to have to admit in writing that I have screwed up yet again! Luckily I have a God who is used to my screw ups and loves me anyway. He definitely wants me to be better and with His help conquer those things that keep me from a more intimate relationship with Him but He is patient and for that I am very grateful!

Mark has been extreme garage selling (my name for it) the past week and a half which is why things have been so crazy. Midnight runs to get stuff off a curb alert. Bargaining with people off Craigslist to get them to take his "low ball" offers. He is like on a high. I love seeing him like this. He really gets into it. Our garage looks crazy! Last Friday and Saturday we sold over 700 worth of stuff when Mark only put 55 (plus gas money) into it. I call that successful! Then this Tuesday he was just pulling stuff out of the garage to straighten up and organize and people kept stopping and he sold another 196!! God is so good! We are having another sale this Friday and Saturday and are looking forward to saving more for Mark's tuition. He plans on doing this as much this summer as possible. He really cracks me up. I am proud for how hard he is working and being creative in helping his family. I love him. Today is his birthday and I am very thankful for God bringing him into the world and letting our paths cross. He really is a wonderful gift from God! I hope he feels the same about me. :)

We ate cake for breakfast....nough said. Tomorrow is a new day. I did workout on my spin bike yesterday and plan to again today. I just need to make sure I am active everyday somehow and start to watch what I eat more. I will get past this...I just have to have patience and not expect to lose 10 pounds from one day of smart choices. We live in a society that wants immediate results and that is how I feel about weight loss too....but it isn't like that. I have realized that I am not beating myself up NEARLY as bad as I was. I think I am really growing there. Now, when I get a VS swimsuit magazine in the mail that is a different story but I am improving so I give God the glory for that. He is filling my mind with His truths and not the worlds. Well....back to work and then more organizing for tomorrow's big sale! :) ~God bless~

One victory at a time....

So, this weekend was really good. I have implemented my little rules and they seem to be working rather well so far. I went to a birthday/rapture party on Saturday night and boy was I nervous!! There was CAKE!! Not just normal cake.....no, triple chocolate cake...with white chocolate shavings all over it! It looked heavenly.....but I didn't eat any! (even though I was pressured...I stood my ground) :) hehehe.... I did eat in front of the TV....but it wasn't my house and all the adults were in the living room and the kids took over the dining room table so I forgive myself for that one! I have been much more active and find myself doing odd little exercises at random times throughout the day....hey..an extra 5-10 calories here and there will add up!

One really big milestone for me is my attitude in general. I feel more confident even though I still have a long way to go. I went shopping on Saturday afternoon because my amazing husband gave me a few hours to myself....I tried on several dresses and tops, etc and even though I didn't like the way a lot of them looked on me, I wasn't bashing myself in my head like I normally do and I didn't leave wanting to eat a whole carton of ice cream...which is odd for me! I just felt God's presence with me telling me I was beautiful to Him...makes a big difference in my mind. I took that as a huge victory.

I still need to work on my "I feel bored, let's eat" mentality I have every now and then. I haven't focused much on what I am eating yet...I know that will come soon. I am really trying to eat until I feel full and stop. Not watching TV or working on my computer really helps me know when to stop....it is a hard habit to break but each choice I make is one more victory or compromise....I am shooting for many more victories!!

Thank you......I think.

So, I asked God to unsettle me, and well...He did. I know it is for my own good but when I look at all the things He has brought to my attention lately that need to be "fixed", I get a little overwhelmed. Ok, that is a lie...I get REALLY overwhelmed. I was blessed to get the chance to read Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. A side note here...if you have anything that gets in your way of craving God above all things (not just food) you should read this book. It has been a real eye opener and I have never read a book where I felt like it was my words on the page. Thoughts that I thought I was the only one who had ever had. It is truly a great book and I have learned so much. One thing Lysa talks about is asking God to unsettle her. This is no small request. I admit, I was not ready for what God was going to show me. I still am not sure if I am. All I do know is that I have to change. I am going to focus writing about my eating and exercise habits but there is SO much more. From my parenting style, respecting my husband, working for the Lord; you name it, I probably need to let God fix it in my life. I am thankful for God showing me these things and am totally leaning on Him to help me walk through this very bumpy road. But back to the food/exercise piece.

I truly believe I have an eating disorder. It is one that you don't really hear much about because I do not starve myself nor do I make myself "lose" my food after I eat. I do however, binge just without the purge. This is hard to admit and really embarassing but I know that accountablilty for my actions and prayer from those who want to support me is what I need to really make a change in my life. I am an emotional eater...that might be a better way of saying it rather than disorder, but nonetheless. I eat when I am happy, stressed, worried, scared, mad, etc. And I am not talking about an extra cookie or piece of cake....I am talking about a whole package or oreas in one sitting....or a whole bag or lindt chocolates (these are from recent incidents). I have allowed food to be what I run to when things get tough...not God and that really makes me sad to admit. I have been convicted of this for quite some time. It seems everyday I say "Tomorrow I will start over...one more day isn't going to kill me". Even though it might not physically kill me, it is killing me inside. It is making me disgusted with myself and angry which just makes me want to eat more. It is a vicious cycle. Really...it is the cycle of any addiction. Food, shopping, drinking, porn, etc...the list could go on and on of what people can place as their go to idol. This trickles down into every facet of my life...when I am angry and upset at myself it comes out to my kids, my husband, my friends. I try to put on a happy face when inside I feel like I am drowning. Not anymore....

I am not delivered by no means. This will be a daily struggle. I have however found hope and God has shown me the way out. Only through His grace and His power will I ever be able to beat this. Lysa in her book wrote something that REALLy stuck out to me. She writes" So, the very next choice I make is a crucial one. Literally, it will determine if I am walking the path of victory or compromise." It is not about yesterday's choice or last weeks choice, or even the choice I made 5 minutes ago...it is the next one. I can choose to obey Christ, lean on Him for strength, or I can compromise my relationship with Him and allow an idol to come between us. That really hit me hard. How many times have I hurt my relationship with God by allowing something else to take His place. The place He sacrificed His Son for. Ouch. My goal is to remember that every time I am tempted to run to food instead of Jesus. Psalms 73:26 says "My flesh and my heart may fail (more like will fail) , but God is the strength of my heart and my PORTION forever." He is my portion of happiness, affirmation, love, respect, etc every day. Not food, not another person, not (fill in the blank). God is....I just need to let Him be!

So, today I decided I am going to begin making the right choice. I know I am not perfect but I believe victory is mine for the taking if I allow God to be my portion each day. If I allow Him to keep unsettling me and showing me areas of my life that need to be laid at His feet. I have made a few rules I am going to follow because I need a plan. 1) No eating in front of the TV or my computer at work...if I am not hungry enough to eat at the table, then I am not really hungry. 2)No sweets....this is for a season but right now I can not be trusted to take a few bites and stop...so I am not going to allow that temptation into my life until I can. 3)Aim for at least 30 min of activity everyday however I can make that happen. 4) I have "go-to" scripts to replace the lies Satan has filled my head with when I am tempted or lose hope....quote those as needed and spend time with the Lord everyday. Those are my "rules" I am trying to see them as lifestyle changes instead of rules because when I reach my goal weight I cannot revert back to my bad habits. Here are some stats...again embarassing....
Weight 167.8 goal 145
Fat % (according to my digital scale...not sure the accuracy) 28.8
Chest 37in
Waist 32.5
Hips 41.5
I have also measured my thighs and arms but I will just keep you updated on total inches lost.... :) I already did my Jillian's 30 day shred level 1 workout today....kicked my tail. The plan is to weigh in every Friday and measure and see some progress. :) For those who will be willing to pray for me, I would covet those prayers. This is a really hard issue for me and embarassing as it is to put it out there....it had to be done as a step to recovery and freedom from this stronghold Satan has had me in for so long. It took me years to get this way so I know it will take time to reverse the damage. Keep me accountable. Please.

Will I ever just slow down??

So gall bladder surgery went well last week. Sherrie, Ella and I got there at 7 like I was told and I got to go back with the nurse around 8-8:15. They did some pre-op stuff and said that my surgeon was finishing up a surgery and I should get started by 9-9:30. I can't remember exactly when I went back because I didn't have contacts or glasses on but I believe they were pretty close.....then I woke up at 11:15ish....was given pain medicine and once I was fully awake I was given the door....hahaha. I was totally out of there by like 12 or 12:15!! The gas they used to blow up my belly was what really hurt. Strangest thing....it would get stuck up in my collarbone and right shoulder blade and hurt so so bad! That lasted about 2.5 days. Then the incisions hurt because I stopped taking any type of pain medicine. Lucky for me, Saturday when we drove 3 hours to Arkansas to visit family I was feeling a little better and was able to sleep in more than one position that night. The weekend was very busy and fun, full of family and birthday cake! We stayed till Monday afternoon then headed home for my seminary wives class and to give Mark a few hours to study. Tuesday I played basketball at Bellevue....not my best game to say the least but I was very timid due to still being a little sore and things like running and jumping kind of hurt. :) Why did I play you might ask? Well I LOVE to play and I went for so many years not playing I just didn't want to miss an opportunity! Yesterday was church and tonight I really don't have plans so I am very excited to have a "slow" night! We fill our days up with so much stuff that we forget to be still. We forget to spend time with the Lord and just listen to Him. I struggle with that because I love noise and I love to be doing something. It is hard for me to just sit if I am not watching something either on TV or live. God is working on me in this area to take time to just be still before Him and listen to Him speak to my soul. I find His voice to be the quietest because He desires me to truly listen to Him and only Him. I have to REALLY listen and I want to and I am working on it. I am thankful for his patience and kindness towards me and I hope I can show that same patience and kindness to my family. Let's take some time to slow down and be still before the Lord. You will be blessed by it!